When it comes to dating, men and women have very different perspectives!
As a man, I look around and see a lot of women/girls entering the dating scene without an honest understanding of what they are walking into.
There is a big lie being told to this generation that says, “Men and women essentially want the same things in a relationship.” FALSE! They do not.
Trust me! If you could be a fly on the wall in a men’s locker room for 5 minutes, you would know I am right.
I have been around guys my whole life – high school, university, and Corporate America. Honestly, men don’t really change as they age! Their vocabulary and experiences may grow, but their goals and interests essentially stay the same when it comes to dating and women.
Now I’m not talking about a mature man who is looking for his life’s partner! (Good guys do still exist – see #7.)
I am talking about the man who is out on the dating scene. The kind of guy you will sit beside in a college class, meet when you are out on the town with friends, encounter on a work trip, or the “super nice” guy that just walks up to you and asks for your number.
As a happily married man, I have been out there. I have searched for the perfect woman for me – and I found her! But along the way, I encountered a lot of guys who used sly dating tactics to manipulate the girls they were “interested in”.
Some day, I will tell my daughter what to look out for when it comes to men. Below are 7 things every girl should know before dating.
1. A LOT OF GUYS JUST WANT SEX
You may think you are dating a great guy! He loves taking you out on dates and he talks to you for hours. He brings you flowers and buys you gifts. The romance is real!
I cannot tell you how many times I have heard a guy say, “I am going to GET SOME tonight!” Why does he think that? Because he has been working very hard to make you think that he is totally devoted to you and completely in love with you.
Today’s society likes to make it look like women want sex as much as men! However, study after study shows that the majority of women have never felt the intensity of desire that a man feels when he wants sex! It’s called TESTOSTERONE! (Yes, women can crave sex…but in a different way than a man.)
For men, sex is something they crave on a daily basis!
Unfortunately, many men want it so much that they are willing to lie to and deeply hurt a woman just to have that sexual release.
I get it – many people believe that if sex is consensual, it is completely fine. That is your decision.
I am here to tell you that there are a lot of filthy guys out there who will do whatever it takes to get into your pants.
2. YOU ARE NOT A CAR!
There is a very common saying out there and it goes like this: “Having sex is like buying a car. You always test-drive the car before buying it. You’ve gotta’ test-drive the girl before marrying her.”
My wife’s dad gave her some valuable advice that I am going to share with you.
“You are not a car! You are a precious human being with a soul. A guy NEVER needs to test-drive you to prove your worth to him. If he insists on having sex, run away as fast as you can!”
If a guy is willing to devalue your worth to that of a mechanical object, he lacks wisdom, character, and respect for you.
When it comes to this, I am old-school. My wife and I didn’t have sex until we were married. Yes, it was difficult! BUT IT WAS WORTH IT! We knew that we were perfectly compatible and meant to be together before we took this step.
Sex means something deeper than just being a simple physical feeling. It should be something that is done carefully because there can be serious repercussions if it is done flippantly and thoughtlessly.
3. GUYS MIGHT TRY TO GUILT-TRIP YOU
Don’t ever let a guy pull this tactic on you!
He will detail all the incredible things he has done for you, to make you feel guilty for not going to the “next base” with him. He might even twist your own words to make it look like you led him on and gave him false hope. CLASSIC GUY MOVE!
If he is willing to make you feel guilty over something like this, imagine how manipulative he will be as your relationship continues to progress.
Men often play on the kind and sympathetic natures of women. Stay firm on your decision and always know that you have value!
Just say, “No!” And walk away for good.
4. GUYS OFTEN TELL EVERYTHING TO “THE BROS”
Have you ever heard of the male ego? It is very real!
Men love feeling important and respected. And sometimes, they will do really stupid things to get that ego trip! A classic tactic is to brag about their female conquests.
He will talk about what you look like and what you love to talk about. He will tell his friends your deepest secrets and your biggest insecurities. And he will describe every detail of your most intimate moments.
Yes, he will tell them everything! Because he loves it when his friends say, “Yeah! You the man! Way to go!”
At your expense, he will publish a tell-all version of your relationship – just to get 10 minutes of fame with “the guys”.
5. GUYS ARE INCREDIBLY VISUAL
Although guys are visual, this doesn’t give them an excuse to stare at other women or look at pornography. YOU HEARD ME! There isn’t any excuse for it.
If you are out on a date and notice that he is checking out the girl behind you or staring at a group of ladies walking by, get rid of him!
If he thinks that he can get away with this behavior earlier on in your relationship, just imagine how bad it will get once you are “use to each other”.
As for pornography, it has a corrosive effect on a relationship. Pornography is a completely false representation of everything that is real and meaningful. It does nothing more than filling a man’s mind with false expectations for you and his relationship with you. It is one of the biggest causes for insecurity in a woman – knowing that she is being compared to a photoshopped actress.
Although pornography is rampant, there are still a lot of good men who know how destructive it is to them and their relationships.
Never let a guy convince you that it is harmless if he checks out other girls or views porn. It will be a great source of pain as your relationship progresses.
6. YOU DON’T OWE HIM A DETAILED EXPLANATION IF YOU BREAK UP
As time goes by, you may realize that he isn’t good for you or that you aren’t compatible. Perhaps you will simply realize that he is a total loser! Or maybe you will wake up one morning and not really like him anymore. It happens!
When this happens, you can leave. And, no, you do not owe him a big, long, detailed explanation.
Why? Because you haven’t spent years of your life together, investing in and committing to your relationship. You aren’t married to him and you don’t have kids with him.
You don’t need to treat your break-up like a divorce hearing!
If the relationship has been mutually respectful, it is always nice to give them the courtesy of sitting down and explaining why you are leaving. It is natural for a person to have questioned why someone is leaving them – especially if it is out of the blue. But it isn’t necessary for you to answer every question and explain every detail of your reason(s) for breaking up.
Come up with a few well-thought-out lines to say to them. Sometimes, you need to move on because it just isn’t right for you. You don’t need to create any drama out of the simple fact that you just aren’t meant to be together.
P.S. This tip isn’t talking about long, committed relationships. Just the “normal dating” period.
7. THERE ARE STILL GOOD GUYS OUT THERE
Several years ago, if you talked to my wife, she would have said to you, “No, I am probably never getting married. There aren’t any good guys left out there.”
Many women shared her opinion – and many still do. Why? Because they encounter one pathetic guy after another!
Every time they started getting to know a guy, he starts showing signs of being a manipulator, controller, pervert, etc.
But then she met me! Obviously, I’m not perfect – not even close to it. But we fell in love, married, and became life partners!
If you talked to her now, she would smile and say, “Good men are rare, but they are still out there.” She would also tell you that women attract men based on their appearance, character, and reputation.
There is NEVER an excuse for a man to objectify or sexually harass a woman. However, if a woman wears a low-cut crop top and a mini skirt, she is branding herself as a sexy woman. To men, “sexy” usually implies sex.
The reason I fell in love with my wife was that she was too good for anyone else! No one could get her! Yes, she was a challenge!
It was the best challenge of my life because I had to earn her love and admiration – through dedication, respect, and a lot of quality time.
There are still good guys out there – don’t lower your standards just because you haven’t met one yet.
